Come As You Are Or Get The Hell Out
by Michellesdaughter
Summary: Trent and Effy, twins who for their birthday decide to take a roadtrip with our favourite group of young adults...can this be anything but amusing? Reimagined revival of Effy Lane  from a former fic I wrote ...no need to read it just jump on in here!
1. Chapter 1

A/N—I wrote Effy's story in the form of 'The Girl with Golden Eyes' a few years ago. I have since then often wondered about the what ifs of this fanfic I wrote..and here's a little AU of my own idea. What if Daria had known Effy before everything..and Effy hadn't been sent away? You don't need to read my first story to understand and I assure you this will be much better written. Just accept my twisted Daria-verse and know the only person I made was Effy and I don't own rights blah blah. Effy's Trent's demented twin I created many years ago and one character I will always love.

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><p>Casa Lane was Daria's home away from home. She knocked at the door, wondering if she was too early for her friend, especially on a Friday. Even if they were seniors this year, school was not a priority or something that fit into the schedule of the Lanes. She knocked a second time, and then the door swung open and the smell of cigarettes and vodka filled her nose. She wrinkled it, staring up into the pointed features of a female Trent. Her black hair looked as though she'd slept upside down, and her eyes were squinted as though she had never before felt the early sunlight of morning. Her green eyes relaxed after a moment.<p>

"Daria…it's early…"

"As I'm sure Jane often reminds the school system..but it's the last day and the least we could do is go and pack up what sanity we have left before leaving Lawndale High's halls forever..or until Ms. Lee goes crazy and we return with popcorn and video cameras.."

"Oh…high school. Right…bummer. I was hoping Jane would finish repainting my ceiling.." Effy Lane brushed her hair from her eyes, moving to let the other girl in as she stretched her hands above her head. "She's probably still asleep…don't worry about being too loud..Trent's asleep and Jesse could sleep through the apocalypse.."

"He may already have….and Lawndale's the only city remaining on the face of the earth."

"Wha.." Jane was coming down the steps and raised an eyebrow. "Screw that..I'm going back to bed…Effy I think Jesse's asleep in the bathtub.."

"We're real rebels these days…we were celebrating his first paycheck working at the gas station yesterday….Trent picked us up and my priorities fell from caring for my boyfriend to finding my bed in the maze that is our house.." The older Lane sister ruffled her sister's hair. "Trust me…he'll need to rest up..big plans ahead…"

"I knew there had to be some benefit to keeping that kid around…" Jane pulled her red shirt over her black one, pulling a brush through her hair as she fumbled onto the couch to get her shoes on. "Besides the disposal of our overbalance of food he seems to relieve us of.."

"Why's there writing on my hand Janie?" Effy paused and raised her palm, a smear of ink remained there with various doodles around it. Daria peered at it, turning her head to see it better.

"It either says, 'Finish mirth lake…or birthday cakes..' and I don't believe mirth was your vocabulary word for the night.."

"Isn't that the soap Wind uses? Mirth…" Effy rubbed her eye with her other hand, obviously pulling thoughts from a less alcohol smeared part of her brain. "Shit..Janie if I made you a list could you pick up some stuff for the party tonight? Trent has the keys somewhere in his room and I don't have the energy to hunt yet.." She fumbled in her jeans, finding a wrinkled up paper with writing scribbled on it and a couple of twenties. "I'm going back to bed…..gotta save some energy for tonight.."

"And possibly some brain cells.." Jane said watching as her sister ascended the stairs aloofly, yawning as she pocketed the paper. "So, warehouse store after school?"

"You know how I feel about buying in bulk stores….plus Tom and I are supposed to go to a foreign film tonight…" Daria hesitated, admitting that aloud still made her feel awkward. She tried to keep Tom to her own places, avoiding the fact that they could be too close to Jane's mental space. The short haired girl remained silent, shrugging. After a moment Daria sighed. "I suppose we could postpone…"

"Bring the lad along…it'll be an adventure. Plus you two kids should come to Trent and Effy's birthday party….his band gets semi-amusing after a while and anything they leave behind I usually keep for art supplies.." Jane looked at her with a little smirk. "And you look like a lady who enjoys helping her friend recycle cans for some change…I want to go to an art community next weekend and I'm running low on green to get there…"

"I can already hear the conversation in my head. 'No Tom, why go to the movie when the chance for taking home used lipstick containers and avoiding getting vomited on..'" Daria led them out the door and towards the school, rolling her eyes.

"Come on Daria, it'll be an experience. Besides isn't Quinn hosting a Fashion Fiend discussion tonight? And it won't be like Brittany's party….the IQ levels will be at least above 80 for the most part…and the music'll be more alternative than Britney Spears.."

"I do think that discussing whether the proper shade of pink goes right with her lipgloss sounds like a waste of time…I suppose it could be…entertaining on some level…" She didn't want to seem too excited but she was relieved that the guilt from earlier was gone. Jane gave a smile, obviously relieved not to be attending alone. Besides, Daria could be around Trent without getting all blushy as she had before…and Tom always found her sarcastic remarks about people something he enjoyed joining in with…

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><p>It was loud as hell. Daria looked around Casa Lane relieved Tom was beside her almost as much as she wanted to run out. There were people crammed everywhere, the underground scene of Lawndale she had not believed existed. Every inch of people pierced, dyed, or tattoed into so called signs of non conformity. Either that or a desire to be a human canvas…Jane wandered through, squeezing past a couple who seemed to have lost the space between their faces, or more as Tom had phrased it, they were 'trying to eat each other to end their mating session much like certain insects'. She had preferred his version.<p>

"I thought you'd deserted me for more time at the warehouse store…I saw you eyeing those cheese logs…" Jane said, her voice rose over the music coming from the dining room the newest version of Every Dog Has His Day pouring over the crowd of deviants.

" You owe me two pizza pies for this…I'm already debating suing for hearing damage…" Daria replied looking back towards the woman approaching, Trent's sister as she wrapped her arms around her with a delighted smile.

"Daria you came…super cool. I think it'd be cool to have someone here for Janie to hang out with.." Effy smiled down at her, and then glanced at Tom squinting. "Tommy right?"

"Tom….we met when I.." Tom stopped realizing finishing that line wouldn't be too good. The dark haired woman seemed to forget and released Daria from the hug turning around. She adjusted her glasses, relieved that the affection gesture was over. Well, she'd count that as the birthday gift if the older Lane girl remembered it later on.

"Well, I've got to find Jesse…..he was supposed to be frosting the cake…" The dark haired girl waved her off, and Jane rolled her eyes.

"For your safety…I wouldn't eat it. Effy tends to improvise when cooking last minute. I believe coca-cola and cayenne pepper went into the creation of the cake. Not to mention whatever Jesse is using for frosting.." Jane gave her a look as though she were saying something highly important nodding sadly.

Daria was about to make a comment, something about eating earlier with Tom when she watched his expression for a moment, and figured he felt the same guilt. Still, Trent seemed indifferent about Tom being with Daria now, he'd seen it before she had even believed it herself. Plus Jane herself ignored him as though he were just another person she saw regularly. There were a few sculptures that looked roughly like him and mutilated, but that was healthy in the sense of Lane lifestyle.

"Let's go listen to Trent…he's got a weird cover of 'Come As You Are' that he's been working on..and Jesse's supposed to play bongos or something to it.." Jane said, taking her camera from her neck and snapping it just as a blonde girl threw up into what appeared to be a vase a few yards away. Daria cringed but Jane took another picture, arching her head. "I told you it would be entertaining.."

"There are several other words I would like to use..but none of them seem to express this party just right.." Daria said backing away from the vomiting girl and letting Tom steer her towards the pounding music. Sure, she decided mentally, she would prefer deaf over the smell of puke. Jane would really pay for convincing her to attend such a mess even if it was for Trent…

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><p>A few hours into the party Daria finally took a beer and sat with Jane in her room, listening as the music still pounded. Effy's voice carried up the stairs, a mix between Chrissie Hynde and the girl from the Cranberries. They were exchanging favorite moments from downstairs, Jane's cd player barely able to help them forget the party still occurring.<p>

"So, your sister and Trent are 23…." Daria said looking at the clock and then wondering if Tom had fallen prey to a hipster girl she'd seen staring earlier at him. The buzz foaming over her brain made her too exhausted to even focus on that fact. She'd deal with everything in the morning.

"Yeah…Effy has some big surprise in the morning…if she remembers it.." Jane looked at the canvas against her bed pouring her beer carefully on it watching as the still wet paint bubbled slightly with the effect. Pleased, she leaned back and looked at her. "So trouble in paradise? We do have the whole summer…or do you and young Sloane have plans?"

"I don't know..he has things with his parents…and I have writing I'd like to do.." She murmured sleepily as her eyelids grew heavy. She could still hear the singing, Effy's voice mixing with Trent's as they sang Ice Box Woman. A round of clapping…what would she do this summer anyway?

"Kill me Daria…ice pick my brain please…" Jane groaned. The light filled her room as someone pulled down the blanket covering her window and the curtains revealed early morning sunrise. She felt as though someone had beaten her and the smell of cologne filled her nose as she opened her eyes. Tom was waking up beside her, and Daria spooned beside him obviously just waking as well. Jane felt around and threw a paintbrush towards the person in front of the window, hard enough for the end to stick into the wall.

"Janie..that's no way to start our big day…" The voice was far too cheerful and even Tom groaned. Footsteps from the hall echoed ten times too loud and Jane threw a pillow at Effy murmuring several colorful words and comments about her sister that only waking a Lane could provoke. She could feel Daria moving and realized that Trent had walked in. She sat up pointing accusingly at her sister.

"Trent…you're awake!" Jane's hangover couldn't block admitting the surprise of seeing him awake and apparently wearing newly cleaned clothes. Jesse wandered in, wearing his usual vest and jeans.

"Whoa..you got them up…hey how'd you get Nick to loan you his brother's van.."

"I traded it last night for one of Mom's kilns. It's amazing what he'll do when you get enough Guinness in him…."

The two debated Nick's antics a while as Jane sat up and listened to Daria talking to herself about drinking and her glasses. Tom was still waking up so she took the moment to collect herself. Party, the party had finished and Tom fell asleep next to Daria..and now it was morning and Effy, Trent, and Jesse were awake. There was something twisted in the universe..if her god damn head would stop hurting she could figure it out..

"Wind sent us a birthday present…for once he didn't sign a prenup…" Effy said walking over to her sister and giving her a nymph like grin. "So we are going on a little tour and going to San Diego to play at EmberFest….it'll be so great! So, I already packed some of your things…I'm going to drive with Jesse and you, Daria, and Tom can ride with us or Trent and the boys. I already called Daria's mom and Tommy's mom and made up a very clever story…it was like when Trent and I pretended to be Mom and Dad at your parent teacher conference and convinced them you were Jewish to get seven extra days off…."

"Tom…my name is Tom." Tom sat up and rubbed his eyes looking at the group around him trying to piece together the conversation. "And why did you call my mom?"

"Because, we are leaving...bags packed, took all of your car keys visited parents, kissed babies, blah blah we are set to go. I even packed clothes for you." Effy gave a polite bow at them and then turned on her heel. "Last one to the tank has to ride with Jesse and I in Nick's car...let's go!"

Jane sat up and knew between the hangover and whatever lay ahead, she would have rather clung to the hangover...

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><p>AN-So, fun-filled trip? Or pushing Daria and friends to the limits? We will see. Reviews make me write faster so chop chop. Give me honest opinions my loves and thanks for reading.


	2. As I Want You To Be

"I'm going to kill Effy.." Jane repeated for the seventh time so far since they were out of walking distance of Casa Lane. She and Daria were sitting in the back of the Tank with Tom. It was the same as ever, considering the newest additions were the many mismatched bags and suitcases that had been thrown in with them containing only Effy knew what. Trent and Max were in the front seat arguing about the definition of 'road kill' as to whether the actual animal should be dead before referred to that way and if it had to be completely flat. No doubt it would be the next hit that Mystik Spiral shot out if they argued long enough.

"You'll have to kill what I leave behind…I can't believe she convinced my mother to let me go without even discussing it with me.." Daria said seriously wondering if Helen were alright in the brain or if years surrounded by lawyers chatter was making her deaf and insane. That was a fun combination were it not leading to being trapped sitting on a trunk with two other people suspiciously surrounded by suitcases that the elder Lane sister had packed.

"She really should have gone to Broadway, she's a hell of a liar. I wonder if she told your Mom this was an 'internship'. That's how she borrowed Summer's kids in the spring to help her run a garage sale in the yard of Penny's old stuff…"

"They also did a good job cleaning out the fridge last month…" Trent coughed into his fist, looking back at Max with a serious look as he spoke. "I'm pretty sure that skunk was flat, so it has to be dead. That's road kill.."

"No way man, that shell smashed turtle counts as road kill he'll die soon anyway…"

"At least we won't lack in amusing conversation…" Tom said trying to force a cheery disposition although the three were all still hungover and wondering how in the hell they were talked into the ride..

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><p>"Your daughter is way cute.." Effy was sitting in the front seat beside Nick, while Jesse slept in the back a guitar case pressed against his shoulder and a light snoring emitting from his mouth. They were in the borrowed van of Nick's brothers, and he had insisted on driving when five seconds out of town Jesse managed to almost hit a parking meter. Effy hardly minded, in fact she was the most optimistic out of either van, if one could call the 'tank' a van in its current state. She had the map across her lap and replaced Nick's wallet at his side staring at the little girl's picture that peeked out.<p>

"Yeah man, Jenny's my life.." He said looking forward as the tank swerved slightly and he made a noise of concern watching it. Effy tilted her head and gave a shrug.

"We're not even out of the state and they've already gotten into it. Max is such a 'criminale'…" She said, frenching the word teasingly as she leaned back in her seat looking back at the map tracing the road they were on thoughtfully. "I hope you weren't eyeing my sister earlier when she was coming to the Tank…"

"I wasn't eyeing her..she was causing a scene.."

"The cursing and throwing things at me? She was thrilled at the surprise…I mean she loves Daria and that Tommy kid, and besides how often do they leave Lawndale anyway? Sure I had to lie to a couple parents, forge a few documents…possibly steal a map from the gas station…man this is it. Mystik Spiral is going to hit it big…and me too." The dark haired woman lit a cigarette and rolled down her window, watching the backseat thoughtfully as she looked at him. "Plus I got the drums out of hock, so I figured you all wouldn't be hard to talk into this."

Nick nodded, his purple dyed hair blowing slightly in the breeze created by the window. He looked at her a moment than forward as though weighing something on his mind. "Jesse wrote a song about you…we're supposed to play it at Emberfest."

"When in the hell did he have time to write a song about me? The kid doesn't breath without being within throwing distance of me.." She had not meant to sound so surprised but she did, almost eeping like Daria was famous for. Her boyfriend had been with her a few years, but usually song writing fell upon her brother or Max. Her stints with Mystik Spiral were short but she thought she knew every song ever even in discussion.

"Last night…I just thought you should know. It's the first thing he's written that doesn't rhyme the word 'pizza'. It was kinda cool…"

Effy looked in the rearview window at her sleeping boyfriend, than back to herself at the tattoo of JE against the side of her head shaking her body against her reflection as she took another drag. "That is kinda cool….but it doesn't mean you get to hit on my sister."

"I was not!"

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><p>In the Tank, Jane had moved closer to the front disrupting the roadkill argument to throw in her own questions about the kidnapping her sister had called a road trip. "So Wind sent the money? How in the hell did he not sign the prenup with that stupid model wife? I thought she'd turn out to be a stripper or something.."<p>

"Effy said she'd file the papers for the prenup..I guess she forgot and helped him out with the legal stuff of this divorce…" Trent's monotone voice recited the words thoughtfully as he watched the windshield considering the passing scenery and then coughing into his fist.

"So you agreed that we would go along with this insane roadtrip theory? The last time you tried a 'tour' thing with Mystik Spiral didn't Max break Jesse's nose?"

Max looked back at Jane and nodded. "Best barfight I've been in for a few years…"

"I think we'll feel more inspired on the road…Daria can write, you can paint, and Spiral can compose. And Tom can.." Trent squinted trying to think of a hobby that the young man had behind her. Daria rolled her eyes at the blank expression on the Lane boy's face and rubbed her temple.

"Start that tap dancing career he wanted?"

"Yeah…cool…" Trent said with a chuckle and a cough, looking back at Jane. "She packed you some canvas and stuff…as soon as you all passed out.."

"Well, at least we'll get to spend part of the summer together.." Tom said shrugging towards Daria. She looked at him than nodded.

"But how will we talk over the tapping of your new career unfolding?"

"You can start your secret singing career at the same time…go go boots and a mini skirt and we'll set the new 'Daria' across the country.." Jane smirked putting her hands in a frame shape looking at her best friend. "Tell me I get to do the first interview."

"I'll give it to you now.." Daria flipped her friend off and leaned back against the wall of the tank just in time for it to hit a pothole, sending her falling in time for Tom to catch her glasses. She rubbed her head where she hit it and took them back from him. "Once that concussion goes away.."

"Nothing like head injuries to start a family road trip.." Jane said taking out her camera from one of the suitcases and snapping a picture. "Maybe this won't be too bad after all…"

"Optimistic comments may get you pushed out of the van first.." Daria groaned rubbing the bump forming on the back of her head.

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><p>By the time it was dark they found a hotel for the night. Effy, the least road weary of the group, cheerfully paid and led them towards their rooms with Jesse holding both her suitcases as well as his own bag over one shoulder.<p>

"Alright, we will need to be up early in the morning. Early meaning before noon Jesse dear," Effy poked her boyfriend and handed out card keys patiently. "Tom, you my brother and Jesse are rooming together, Max and Nick…" She looked seriously at the two with a finger raised. "Now no fighting…at least not til we're past the Mississippi river, and Janie you Daria and I are roomies…"

Jane raised an eyebrow at the arrangement suspiciously. "Since when are we being PG appropriate about rooming? I feel like we're at a bad summer camp…"

Daria shrugged slightly rubbing at the bump on the back of her head. "Camp Grizzley still sounds scarier than this.."

"Because it's my night to pick who rooms where. Didn't you read the itinerary? Jesse handed them out this morning…" Effy blinked at her sister and Jane looked in her messenger bag pulling out what appeared to be a crumpled up napkin with tiny handwriting. "See there it is! You pick tomorrow Jane…and besides I thought it'd be fun to have a girl's night…"

"You don't mind sleeping between Jesse and the door do you? He kinda sleep walks and I don't usually wake up unless he breaks something.." Trent said posing the question to Tom with a raised eyebrow.

"How long til California?" Daria said watching them all.

Once they were all settled down for the night, Daria sat down beside Jane as Effy sung some Nirvana song from the shower. She was wearing a plain black t-shirt and grey pajama bottoms watching as Jane pulled at the Hello Kitty pajama bottoms. "Well, at least we're alive."

"For now….although I wouldn't put it past your mother to realize that this is an elaborate hoax and come kill us all…didn't she want you to intern at her lawfirm this summer?" Jane posed the question as she leaned back on the bed her hands under her head.

"I doubt it…if she at least heard the word 'internship' or 'resume' she probably shook it off. She has a lot of cases right now…" Daria did think this was all interesting, although she wondered if Tom would survive with the members of Mystik Spiral. They were just not the sort of people he was used to…but he would manage she supposed. Effy came out in a too big t-shirt and leggings, combing a brush through her hair.

Jane looked at her sister, raising an eyebrow. "So, why'd you choose us over rooming with Jesse? Because just so you know..Daria here isn't into that and we're sisters so…" She made a face and Daria gave a slight laugh.

"Siblings did it all the time in Egypt.."

"Damn those Egyptians and their falcon faced Gods…." Jane said snapping her fingers in feign disappointment.

Effy watched them and sat on the bed across from her sister, shrugging a little. "I don't know I just..thought it would be nice to hang out like girls for a change. Besides it isn't like I don't see Jesse all the time I mean…he's my boyfriend. I mean you don't like Tom hanging all over you do you Daria?"

"No, not until I can get us surgically altered together so we're permanently trapped like Siamese twins.." The sarcastic brunette said. She got the idea, and this did mean she would get to see both her friend and her boyfriend in the same roadtrip.

"Ew…." Effy said shaking at the thought, her fingers running over the J and E tattooed on the side of her head. "I just think Jesse has…..anyway Janie did you know that Nick totally thinks you're hot? This could be the road trip we marry you into Mystik Spiral.."

Jane rolled her eyes. "You said the same thing about Max during Spring Break….I don't date 'criminales'…"

"Come on Janie….Nick's cool. I think I'll let you ride with him…you and Daria and Tom…and Jess and I will ride with Trent and Max." Effy jumped on the bed with her sister, leaving Daria to sit in her own bed replacing her glasses on the counter.

"You could be a great roadie wife…" Daria added in with a yawn.

"Morgandorffer…this will be a long trip if you go along with Effy's bizzare plans.."

"Dude…that makes me think of some decent lyrics…"

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><p><strong>AN—**_I am so excited about this RP ideas are coming everywhere…things will get more exciting next chapter I promise! Review please if you read, it makes me want to write faster._

**Review Reply**

Booklover904—Thanks and yes I'm continuing this!


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